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- A Gentle Holiday
It's hard to believe we're down to the last four weeks of the year. I know it's trite, but time really does go faster the older you get.
Before I get into today's newsletter, I just wanted to say a huge Thank You to all of you who have subscribed. I don't take this lightly in a busy world with lots of communication and content in our inboxes.
I have a feeling the newsletter and imperfect will evolve over time. The response has been fantastic, and I've even had an offer to help with the project (thanks, Shruthi!). I'm excited to see where this journey leads, and I'm grateful you're here with me.
A huge sigh of relief...
I was inspired this week by a Facebook post my aunt shared with me. I had seen this before, and of course, like many things I read, it was shared with me again on a day I really needed it.
I'm linking to the article on Facebook here (I can't find the original author), but I wanted to pull out a blurb for you below. If you've not seen it (it's a quick read), the TL;DR version is that finally, after years of worrying about everyone else and stepping in to solve their problems, a Mother decides...
"...And, it is that I can only interfere with myself.
You have all the necessary resources to solve your own lives. I can only give you my advice if you ask me and it depends on you to follow it or not.
So, from now on, I cease to be: the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.
From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults."
This is a great reminder, particularly at this time of year when we're expected to add more "joy" to our already busy lives (if only we could subtract things from our calendars during the holidays... instead, we add more).
What if the "more" we added were only things that brought us joy?
My Mom was the ultimate 'fixer' and problem solver for everyone (especially her children & grandchildren). She took care of business and got things done. She was an amazing example of putting family first, but I've often thought, especially since her passing in 2019, that I wish she had put herself first.
Being as close to my Mom as I was (am 😉), I know she would have felt like she was being selfish for putting herself first, and God forbid, saying "No" to something, simply because she didn't want to.
I've worked hard at shifting that within myself (it's an ongoing process). I remember the first time I didn't go somewhere out of obligation. Some neighbors were hosting their annual Christmas party, and when the husband asked me if I was coming, I said, "maybe."
He looked at me, completely puzzled, and said, "maybe?"
I hadn't really made up my mind at the time, but the look on his face, of complete surprise, firmed up the knowing within myself..." yea, I'm not going."
Today I would just say, "no, I'm not going to make it."
No explanation, no justifying why I'm not going. Just do what I want to do (With the neighbor's party, I didn't have anything else I was doing that night, I just didn't want to go).
I often joke that we live in a "Pinterestized world."
Everything needs to look a certain way or portray a certain lifestyle. The funny thing is that the photo and real life don't always match up. Our brains instantly go to "comparisonitis."
One of my favorite people on Instagram is Dana Mercer. The image below says it all:
This is also a reminder that when it comes to social media, you can curate what shows up.
Who you follow, what you watch, listen to, and read.
What is a Gentle Holiday?
This was something else I saw on social (see what happens when you curate your feeds? 😉)
Someone shared that their therapist, instead of saying, "Happy Holidays," says, "Have a gentle holiday" - because not everyone has happy memories of the holiday season.
That's a lovely sentiment, but it had a different meaning for me.
When I read it, I felt a softness come over me.
It felt like permission to let go of expectations and be present, which inevitably leads to much more joy.
Having just launched a new company, I recently told a friend, "everyone is getting hugs from me this Christmas" - instead of presents. 🤣
That is not totally true but add to the cost of flying back to California and paying a dog sitter, and my presence is the gift.
And I don't mean that facetiously.
I miss my family and friends in California and all that matters is spending time with them.
I wish the same for you.
I hope you're enjoying the holiday season and that it feels gentle.
And a hat tip to Katie the Cookie Bee for this hilarious cookie (I wish I lived in Washington to buy her cookies!) 🤣:
Hugs my friends,Kim